Generosity
Most people consider generosity in terms of money or material giving. But there are many ways to be generous. We can give our time, appreciation, care, thoughtfulness, advice and positive presence. We can be gracious listeners. We can be generous with our words, our smiles, our connection to others through touch. Forgiveness and compassion are generous skills that promote deep well-being for our self and others.
Generosity is one of those qualities that I have danced with all my life. When I am in the flow of creative energy, I give away things. All sorts of things, from artwork I’ve created, to possessions I realize I no longer need, to generous compliments and positive energy. When I am not in the ‘flow’ with the universe, I become stingy. As the opposite of generosity, stinginess is bred with thoughts and emotions of scarcity, and may fester in a belief of not being good enough. The result is often rigidity of body, heart, mind and spirit. What can we do when we are in such a state?
First we must recognize that we are in a contracted state, and that blame and judgment (of self or other), will only deepen the trench of our rut. We can begin to shift our patterns in the ways we find most accessible. If we are burnt out from doing too much for others, we can begin to be generous towards our self: nourish our body with healthy food and beverages; we can buoy up our heart through cultivating heart centered relationships; we can shift our negative thought patterns through mindfulness meditation; and we can uplift our spirit with inspirational writings. In each of these layers of our being, there are numerous skills that can be developed to recover the flow of energy.
If we have been generous with our self, but withhold in giving to others, we can begin with a review of our patterns to recognize what could use some attention. Perhaps we notice that we do not give much of our time to others, so, we can introduce some small actions into our lives every day. Perhaps setting an intention to notice when people need a little help, resulting in opening a door, beaming a smile or offering someone in the checkout line to go ahead of us. We can thank people more, a practice that will help us notice the bountiful nature of our lives and the interconnectedness of us all. This can become a conscious exploration of how giving can shift our sense of self.
Generosity can also be a used as a tool to release our attachments to differing aspects of life. We can experience this in those poignant moments when one gives or receives something because we understand the item is better off in someone else’s life – even though we may still feel a strong connection to it; the affect of this kind of giving is unique because it strengthens the ability to release attachment to things.
It is not only our attachment to things, but also to our expectations, fueled by assumptions, that can lead to stinginess. This is a more subtle form of generosity, but in many ways, in our relatively affluent society, a more important aspect of this quality to be consciously cultivating. For example, if someone we know says something rude, or is talking badly about another, we can learn to regard the words (and tone of voice) as a reflection of their current emotional state, neither taking personal offense, nor feeding the sentiment expressed. In fact, we would be most generous if we simply listened, acknowledging how they feel, without judgment. Deep listening is a form of generosity that most of us have had very little training in, and I am amazed at the power of this simple tool of bearing witness.
Being generous in our assumptions of people’s intentions and motivations allows us to be more loving within our relationships. It is also vital we become clear about our own intentions and motivations, so we can create the loving relationships we all desire. How can we love another deeply, if we do not know how to love our self? If we are assuming it is our friends or/and our intimate partner’s job to affirm our worthiness, we set ourselves up for disappointment. If we can love our self, with all our idiosyncrasies and shadow aspects, we can show up fully in our love with another, in acceptance of the behaviors that are less than admirable. Our evolution will progress nicely when we consciously cultivate generosity in as many ways we can imagine.
Between 2012 and 2013, I separated from my husband of 18.5 years; it was a deeply humbling process, and I continue to focus my intention of being generous towards him and myself, as we continue the parenting of our son. As I moved through grieving and surrendering the many ties that bound us together, I recognized that I fell into victim thinking, fueled by thoughts of blame and judgment. I also dropped into fears based on scarcity thinking. But I recognize how those thought patterns create a lot of suffering and intrude on my desire for loving my life as it shows up. So I engage some yogic tools that shift my focus into a state of relaxation, and I witness how this more positive energy reverberates into my state of being, so I can show up with an open heart towards the evolving relationships with my family and all people I interact with. This generous act towards myself, is the foundation of generosity building in the world. Every day, I can create an intention to help build a generous world.
Being connected to the flow of energy itself generates the deep understanding of generosity as part of our human nature – we give and receive all the time. Keep reminding yourself that it is all a flow of energy, and what goes out, comes around – often in surprising and delicious ways.